pogo stick

I don't really even feel like writing, but I feel like doing laundry even less.

Yesterday was a Memorial Day pool party, and the pictures are online today, and

in the name of Vishnu, what was I thinking? It was one of those things where I thought

I could get away with wearing something that I have no business being seen donning in

public. I cannot figure out what the freaking deal is with my metabolism. The last time

I got on the scale, it said 217. yep.217. well, I cured that. now I don't go near the bloody

thing. I'm having a difficult time with it though. that's an actual understatement. I'm

freaking the fuck out. inside, of course. just show up and pretend it doesn't matter how

fat you are. I know. children are soldiers, people are starving, the polar icecaps are melting

and all I can do is cry(I'm not really crying) about how disgusted I am. I haven't been very good at coaching

myself lately. I gave up on yoga just because I can't seem to make the time, and I need

the money for the classes to pay bills. I did, however, go to this incredible place called

wizard wells, on a retreat about 2 months ago. We ate vegetarian for the weekend, and

I just kept it up. So, really, with only a couple flub ups, I have been eating no meat for the

better part of 2 months. It hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be.

I'm in the market for an incredible healer. I know I have some (unknown)unresolved issues

past life regression, perhaps? whatever is there, I want to address, and release. maybe I need to just stay in honduras when I go this year.

I actually think there is someplace in south america or india, perhaps, that Im more suited for.

I used to know what I wanted, now, not so much. I'd like to work to train kids in leadership

and speak to the masses training them in powerful peaceful speech and I'd like to have

a huge vegetable garden and wildflowers in my yard that attract all sorts of hummingbirds

and butterflies. I'd like to live by water but in the middle of a forest. I'd like to go back

to girlscout camp and sing all the songs around the campfire, again. I'd like to climb

kilimanjaro and visit a polar icecap while they're still available. I"d like to give away a million

dollars and drive a corvette (hybrid, of course) I want to make out in the surf like in

from here to eternity. i'd like to talk sense into george w and I'd like to see those films that

morgan freeman hid at the end of shawshank redemption. i'd like to meet Bono, Jimmy Carter,

and the Dalai Lama (and really Angelina Jolie, but she is rather busy being pregnant with Brad Pitt's babies). I"d like to have an audience with the Pope (I just like to say those words

combined together) I'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony ( I just threw that

in there to see if you were paying attention) I'd like to be the belle of the ball in an awesome

slinky dress (covering my awesome slinky body) I"d really like to figure out how to get right

in my own skin and I'd like a vanilla cone with crunchy chocolate topping-just like my daddy

used to get me at this place called Nagle's Top Dog. Oh yeah, and I really want to go to

the grand canyon AND to yellowstone. I"d like to participate in the UN for a year while i'm living

in a studio apartment in NYC.I don't care about singing at Carnegie Hall or even getting

married, but I do want to try on Vera Wang wedding dresses while drinking champagne in

the afternoon (they used to give you Coors lights at Western Warehouse while you tried to

squeeze your ass into the tightest jeans that would mke your ass look good...not really the

same, though) I want to spend as much time as life allows in a remote area with a curandero

and I want to run barefoot through the jungle. I left out the pyramids and the red sea, but

I want to experience them too. what I do not want, is to ever see the pictures of me from

yesterday again. ever. the picture at the begining of the writing seems like it doesn't belong, but I like it, so it's here now